A couple of weeks later, my friend Amber and I were driving to brunch. She'd just picked me up. I was telling her about the Hinge date, how it started great but he just stopped texting after.
"I don't get it. The conversation was so good. He was laughing the whole time. Then he just ghosted."
Amber didn't say anything for a few seconds. She kept her eyes on the road.
Then she turned the music down.
"Jess, can I tell you something and you promise you won't be mad?"
"What?"
"I think I might know why he stopped texting."
She took a breath.
"You kind of smell like... cat? Like litterbox? I've noticed it in the car every time I pick you up, but I didn't want to say anything."
Every. Single. Time.
Every time I sat in her passenger seat. Every time we drove anywhere together. My best friend could smell it, and she chose to say nothing until I gave her a reason she couldn't keep it in anymore.
I said something like, "Oh yeah, my apartment is small, the box is in the bathroom," and changed the subject as fast as I could.
And then Marcus made sense. All of it did.
He could smell it the entire night and was too polite to say anything to my face.
Then the real dread came over me. How many other people had noticed and stayed quiet? Every coworker who sat next to me in a meeting. Every friend across a coffee table. Every stranger on the train who shifted to the next seat over.
I grabbed a bunch of my hair and sniffed it. I couldn't tell a thing. In that moment, I felt so powerless.
And the most terrifying part was that I couldn't even verify it myself. My nose had been living with the smell for so long that it couldn't detect it on my own body.
How was this even possible? I showered every single day. I cleaned obsessively. I did everything right. Was a litterbox in a small space really that powerful?
I found out later that litterbox odors (VOCs) are what's called "lipophilic." They bind to the natural oils on your skin, your hair, and your clothes. So no matter how often I cleaned or bathed, if the root of the smell wasn't addressed, the odor molecules would just bind right back again between every cleaning, 24/7.
Here I was, spending an hour doing my hair and makeup, trying to look beautiful, trying to make a good impression—and the entire time, the litterbox three feet away from my bathroom sink was soaking into everything I put on.
"God, why me?" I thought.